Introduction
This scenario is more of a separate mini-game which uses many of the constructs of GW’s Lord of the Rings Battle Game. This game is rumored to be inspired by an event from my own undergraduate days. I am likely to confirm or deny this, along with a story which may or may not be true, if you care to buy me a pint. Note that this is more of a warning than an offer.

Description
This scenario is based on certain silliness which came into my head while trying to come up with a proper Prancing Pony/Bree scenario, and whilst drinking a pint, or perhaps more, of Old Speckled Hen. It involves a contest whereby patrons of the Prancing Pony note that Barliman Butterbur has passed out while taste testing his new product, Barliman’s BetterBeer. The goal is to abscond from the Pony with as many pints as possible, and safely reaching the safety of the edge of town before Barliman wakes up and sets the watch after you. This time interval is an amount of real time decided before the start of the game. It is likely to be influenced by the mother, spouse, or significant others of the players.

Participants
Each player may select one model. Any model from the LOTR range may be used, including Second Age characters who may be presumed to have been released from the halls of Mandos for this special occasion. Special rules have been provided for a few of my favorite candidates for the game, but feel free to invent your own for ones I haven’t bothered with. Anyone attempting to “win” this game by inventing overpowered rules for their character has clearly missed the point, not had enough to drink, or both. No wargear is used by any model. If a model’s stats include armor or shield modifications, remove them from the profile. No weapons of any sort may be used. Any magical effects that cause physical damage are disallowed.

Points Match
Re-read the paragraph above, paying special attention to the last sentence.

Layout
Set up the Bree Board as best you can. The Prancing Pony must be at one end, and the “Finish Line” is the far table edge. Speakers of Quenya may use the “Finnish Line” instead, which is located at the same space as the “Finish Line”. Each character should have seven markers of some sort to represent their pints, and a sheet of paper or other storage location divided into “Internal” and “External” areas. The seven markers begin in the “External” storage area.

Starting Positions
All the models are lined up at the bar in the Prancing Pony. Barliman has just demonstrated his new packaging, the Seven-Pack, which is a roped-together collection of seven pint-sized casks of Barliman’s BetterBeer. Barliman placed one seven-pack in front of each character in order to show it off (just prior to passing out). Anyone who cares to squabble about the location of their character at the bar, and the distance to the door, should have another drink themselves. If they still care, they should dice for it.

Objectives
Cross the finish line before the deadline with the most pints in your possession. Beer may be carried internally or externally to the character. Beer carried externally may be stolen by other models. Beer carried internally may be lost through other means best left abstract at this point, but usually as a consequence of trying to carry too much beer internally. Should the time limit be reached before anyone reaches the safety of the finish, the victor is the model with the most pints in his possession, with ties being resolved by proximity to the finish line. Further ties may be resolved through either physical violence between the players, or by deciding that everyone had a good time and nobody particularly cares who won.

Special Rules
Here’s the long bit. Everything is handled as in the normal rules except:

Priority. Each player rolls 1d6. In the event of a tie, the priority goes to the player to the left of the last player to have priority.

The Movement Phase. A model may sacrifice ½ its movement in order to move one of it’s pints from external to internal storage. This process is henceforth called “quaffing”. A model may not move a pint back from internal to external storage, nor may he voluntarily remove the pint from internal storage.
Effects of carrying extra pints. A model may carry 7 pints without hindrance. This is a total between internal and external pints. For each pint above that a model may opt to move one inch slower per pint, or to roll courage to see whether he loses a pint. If the model is carrying pints both internally and externally, he may select which to lose. Lost internal pints are out of the game. Lost external pints are dropped d6 inches away from the dropping model in the direction from which the model came. This may be further than the model moved,…pints roll.
Picking up dropped external pints. A model may spend an inch of movement in an attempt to pick up a dropped external pint. On a 1-3, he succeds, on a 4-6, the pint rolls 1 inch away in a random direction. Use a scatter die to determine a random direction, otherwise spin a bottle or other directional indicator.
Picking up dropped internal pints. This is against the rules. Even orcs would not do this. Shame on you for event thinking of it.

The shooting phase. As no weapons are used in this scenario whatsoever, this becomes, for all intents and purposes, the Magic phase.

The combat phase. Since combat as such is not allowed, this becomes the beer-stealing phase.

When two models engage in combat, each rolls his attacks as usual. The winner may steal 1 externally carried pint for each pip by which he exceeded his opponent’s roll. The loser must retreat 1 base width (not inch) or lose double the pints if he cannot. Keep in mind that only the highest die counts. In ties, the model with the higher fight value steals one pint from the model with the lower. If the loser has no externally carried pints, he must roll courage to see whether he loses an internally carried pint. Internally carried pints lost in this way are out of the game.
When more than one model gang up on a single model, beer stealing is handled the same way. Only the highest die counts. Ganging up isn’t particularly effective.
When three or more models pile on in a free-for-all, the best score is matched with the worst, second best with second worst, and so forth. In the case of an odd number of combatants, the middle fellow neither gains nor loses pints.
The effect of carried pints. Internally carried pints cause a -1 to the Fight Value per pint.

End Phase. Each model carrying internal pints must roll in the end phase. If this die roll + the number of internally carried pints exceeds the model’s defence (no armor, remember), then the model falls prone and must spend the entire movement phase getting up again.

Special Rules for Specific Models.
Hobbits may double their defence when testing in the end phase.

Cave trolls must halve their defence when testing in the end phase.

If Aragorn is within charge range of a fight involving a hobbit, he must join the fight on the side of the hobbit. Aragorn may not attack a hobbit.

Boromir counts for all purposes but movement and victory as though he were carrying double the number of internal pints that he really is. (What do you think was in that horn, anyway?)

Elves may quaff two pints in the same turn, and gets +1 to pick up pints on the ground. If he loses an internal pint, he goes prone, and must spend the next turn getting up.

Gil-Galad may demand a pint from Elrond at any time he is within 6 inches of him, and Elrond must, if he is carrying external pints, move to Gil-Galad and hand one to him.

Gil-Galad must come to Elrond’s aid in battle in the same manner Aragorn must come to a hobbit’s aid. Gil-Galad may not attack Elrond. Elrond may attack Gil-Galad, as this can be explained away as looking for fighting lessons from his master.

Sauron. Sauron cannot carry pints internally, as he cannot get his helmet off. Furthermore, any pints won by Sauron in combat are punctured by the spiky armor and lost on a 1-2 on a d6.

The Balrog. If the Balrog carries internal pints and fails his end-phase test, he takes a sudden fancy to the person nearest the finish line, flies (yes, flies) and picks that person up, and then flies back to the pony with him/her, looking for a private room. While the Balrog attempts to book the room, the victim of his fancy gets away, and the Balrog forgets all about it instantly. The balrog cannot fly otherwise. If the Balrog carries only external pints he must test in the end phase, and will involuntarily quaff all his pints on the roll of a 1 on 1d6.

Ringwraiths. No special rules, other than to say the twilight Witch King would make a great conversion, and that compel could be very amusing in this game.

Conversions. Anyone silly enough to provide a miniature converted to be carrying a pint gets a free re-roll once per game. Figures well-suited to this conversion are Galadriel, Boromir (invert the horn), Dancing Aragorn, who looks as though he is already carrying too many internal pints, to name a few.